Dear Yuni Chen

The other day I got one of those junk mail pieces offering me “up to” $8,800 for my old Honda Accord.  It was in fake handwriting font, with FINAL NOTICE in Stencil font on the bottom, complete with slight Gaussian blur and acid wash to make it look like someone used a red ink rubber stamp to let me know that it was that serious.  Apparently, they are really in need of 9 year old Honda Accords.  They are at the hight of demand.  If you go in say, “I want a brand new Pilot Premium,” they will say, “Why would you want that, when you could drive a 2005 used Accord?”

The best part was the fake check and stub it was all printed on.  It had a realistic-looking customer ID # and Account number section below a pretend perforation line, and a check at the top.  Where you would write the amount tendered on the check was written “up to $8,800.”†  It was all signed by someone named Yuni Chen.

Realizing it has been several years since my infamous “lost pet” incident, I thought it was time to have some fun.  So I wrote Yuni a letter in response.  I have included it below.

DearYuni






















































It is stamped and ready to mail. -Ryan

† I have decided to write all of my checks like this from now on.  My electric bill this month is written for “up to $63,20.”
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